Thursday, July 25, 2013

Week 6: Miracle of the Heart Scripture Reading: Genesis 29:31-35

This week's devotion from Miracles by Karen Kingsbury is based on Genesis 29:31-35.  Karen Kingsbury introduces us to a young lady whose life suddenly took a different turn, one that she wasn't expecting.  We learn how God still provided her the life she always dreamed of, just in a different way.

"Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord."  Psalm 27:14

When I was younger I dreamt of being a mom.  I wanted children.  I didn't care how many.  Just please give me children.  I've always loved being around children, teaching them, learning from them and playing.  I knew I would be a mom one day.

Almost eleven years ago, my life changed and my dream came true...God blessed me with twin boys.  I was so elated and thrilled to not only be a mom but a mom of twin baby boys.  That first year was tough.  My "plan" didn't quite look like I thought it would.  It was a crazy sleepless year.  Don't get me wrong, I was still very excited to be a mom but it wasn't as easy as I thought it would be.  After their first birthday, it started getting a little easier.  They were getting more independent.  My "plan" was looking more like I imagined it would.

What I didn't realize was that His "plan" for my life included having a special needs child.  Never once did I think my child would have autism.  I will never ever forget that day.  It happened almost 8 years ago.  "You're son has autism.  Enroll him in some occupational therapy and speech therapy as soon as you can."  Then we walked out the door not knowing what to expect next.  No one could tell me what to expect next either.  Not a doctor, a therapist, a one could tell me how high functioning he could be.  That was the scary part.  I didn't have a plan.

I quickly had to adjust my plan and find a way to help my child while still being a mom to his twin brother.  I looked into every therapy possible, enrolled in special schools, special diets, name it, we looked into it.  My plan was slowly coming together but wasn't quite falling into place.  I was forgetting something.  But what?  I pushed forward and kept researching as much as possible.  The answer to help my son was out there somewhere.

Then, it hit me and it hit me hard.  Where was God in all of this?  Why am I so quick to turn to google to find my answers and not trust in Him?  Why haven't I given this to God for my new plan?  I could remember asking God "why?  Why my son?"  What I didn't ask was "What should I do Lord?  What is Your plan?"

Psalm 27:14 reminds us to "wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord."

As we are finding our way through this world of autism, God wants us to wait for Him.  How do we wait?  Just like "Kate" in the story Karen Kingsbury tells us in Week 6, we need to move on.  This is our new life.  We need to find out what God wants us to do with this new life.  Is it to help other parents who have a child newly diagnosed?  Is it to be a light for the children who are on the spectrum?  Maybe it's to reach out to the siblings of children with autism.  There are so many ways that we can help and so many people God needs us to help as we wait for Him.

I quickly changed my prayers into wanting God's Will to be done.  I did away with my "plan" and kept the dream in my heart.

My dream looks quite differently than I thought it would when I was younger.  However, it's still my dream.  I'm a mom!  I get to play all day, teach, love and learn so much from both of my children.  Yes, one of my sons has autism, but it doesn't define who he is as child, who I am as a mom or who we are as a family.  It just changed my dream inside my heart into one that means so much more.

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