(Below are Nicole's thoughts on Chapter 1 of Just Enough Light for the Step I'm On. Please know that what we all learn from a study is usually different. Therefore we ask that if you feel like it, please share in the comments section what you got out of the reading as well. We're sure you'll lift someone's spirit!)
Wow...what a great week of reading. Chapter 1 of Just Enough Light for the Step I'm On by Stormie Omartian was so empowering to me.
In Chapter 1, Stormie Omartian explains the importance of walking with God. Trusting Him in our lives no matter how dark they may seem. She even paints this incredible picture of literally raising up your hand and holding his hand. Chapter 1 also reminds us of Abraham and how he had to walk in faith. Stormie put in a wonderful verse pertaining to Abraham that really touched me. "...he went out, not knowing where he was going." This just spoke volumes to me. Abraham didn't know what was ahead of him. But he did know to trust in God. Which made me ask myself, how can I walk like Abraham and fully trust where God is taking us with autism?
As I'm reading this chapter, a song kept popping in my head. I couldn't stop singing it.
Jesus Take The Wheel by Carrie Underwood
Jesus take the wheel (God, I can't control autism as much as I think I can...)
Take it from my hands (I don't know what to do next, please help me...)
Cause I can't do this on my own (I'm scared about what it will be like in the future...)
I'm letting go (I'm reaching out for you and will do what you need for me to do...)
So give me one chance (I promise I'll take a hold of your hand and hold on...)
To save me from this road I'm on (When I try to do this on my own, I struggle more and more...)
Jesus take the wheel (I trust in you Jesus. Whatever you need for me to do with my life, you're in control.)
Too often I'm praying for a healing but never taking the time to listen for what He needs for me to do during this time. I'm not walking with God through autism. I'm trying to do it by myself. I spend countless hours worrying....worrying what supplements we haven't tried, worrying if we should try a new therapy, worrying if my son is ever going to be healed. Am I not praying right? I go to church. What else can I do? This chapter has shown me that I'm not walking with God through all of this. I'm doing it on my own. Sure I pray about things. God, please let him stop scripting. God, should we try this new supplement. But, then guess what I do? I don't wait for His answer. I make my own decisions and fly with it. Then after I've done this for as long as I can, I crash. I give up.
I believe that what God wants us to do is reach up our hands to Him before we even get on that rope! Grab hold of His hands and listen to where He needs for us to go. Listen to what He needs for us to do. He'll place the right things and people into our lives to help our children. He wants the best for us and will provide us with all of our needs. But we need to trust in Him. Trust in Him that no matter how dark autism may seem, there is a greater purpose in this. Trust in Him that even when we feel like no good has come out of our day, that blessings are right around the corner. God wants to bless us. He loves us. But how can He bless us if we're not ready to receive?
Today, I encourage you all to join me. Let's reach up our hands, grab His hand, try to never let go, and trust in Him every day with our children. I'm going to trust in God every day that my son has autism. Whether it's a month. A year. Or the rest of his life. I trust that there is something so much bigger to this than we can see. I'll keep providing him with every thing he needs. I'll keep researching the therapies, supplements and diets. I'll pray about all of this and see which direction He needs for us to walk. I'm going to grab his hand and never let go.
I thank you so much for allowing us all to find each other, lean on each other and lift each other up. Lord, I reach out my hand to you today. I trust in you. I trust that no matter how rough of a day it is, there's a greater purpose. I trust that you will show me the way to go. I pray that you keep us all desiring to walk with you as we continue this difficult journey through autism. Lord, I lift up every mom reading this entry right now that needs your strength, needs to feel your love and needs to hold your hand. We trust in You. In Jesus name we pray, Amen.