(Below are Jessica's thoughts on Chapter 20 of Just Enough Light for the Step I'm On. Please know that what we all learn from a study is usually different. Therefore we ask, if you feel like it please share in the comments section what you got out of the reading as well. We're sure you'll lift someone's spirit.)
Stormie begins this chapter with the phrase “timing is everything”, then edits it to remind us how it really is: “His timing is everything” (p.165). She further explains this by reminding us: “When we come to a place where we trust that God’s timing is perfect, we can be content no matter where we are because we know that God will not leave us there forever.” (p. 165) This immediately made me think of this passage from Paul, in Philippians 4: 12-13:
I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.
The secret is right there, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said that last sentence to myself when I’m facing something that I don’t think I can do. Not only is this meant to empower us, but to help us accept and embrace the blessings of the present. Stormie reminds us that if we feel we’re in a bad place, we won’t stay there. Likewise, we shouldn’t get too comfortable if we feel we’re in a “good” place because God wants us to continue growing and moving. When we live fully in the present moment, we can see and appreciate the “little things” or “hidden blessings” that could so easily be overlooked. I know as a mom to a child with autism, every milestone big or small is a cause for celebration. Little moments can light up an entire day and fill my heart with happiness. These moments can seem fleeting and should never pass by without being noticed. In the same respect, it’s comforting to know that the difficult days and phases will also pass.
Stormie reminds us to not get so caught up in our own lives that we don’t notice other people. “Too often we are so into our own lives that we don’t see what is going on with someone who is right beside us. We become concerned with securing the future, and as a result, we overlook the wealth of the present.” (p. 167) I interpreted this to mean two different things. First, we need to make sure we don’t overlook the suffering or needs of others. Stormie shares on page 168 about how every time she has shared a piece of herself to bless someone else, she felt the blessing return to her. When we allow God’s light to shine through us, no matter how imperfectly we feel we do that, it not only shines on those around us but it illuminates our path as well. (Stormie Omartian, p. 168) This leads into the second insight I had from this quote, about not overlooking the wealth of the present. Sharing ourselves, our insights, our contacts and our resources and taking full advantage of the present will allow God to lead us to our next step. The next specialist, intervention, therapist, decision is often made more apparent when we are able to tap into the resources of the present. This is especially true for us autism moms, I am continually in awe of the incredible resources I’ve obtained simply by listening and paying attention to other people.
It is so easy to get weighed down by our feelings about the past or overwhelmed by our concerns or plans for the future of our children. Both of these drain us of our precious and valuable time and energy, making the task at hand seem even more difficult. I am praying for God to keep me in focus, so that I don’t miss what He wants to show me in the here and now.
Lord,
Thank you for all of the blessings big and small that you give to all of us mothers in each and every moment. Help us to keep You in focus so that we are able to see whatever it is you want for us to see in each moment of our lives. Keep our hearts open and receptive to Your guiding light. Thank you for the ways that you bless us through one another and remind us to always take note of the people that you put in our path. Heal our hearts of the hurts of the past and free us from all worry about the future. May we always turn to You first in all of our needs and take comfort in knowing that you hold all of our lives in the palm of your hand.
In Your name we pray,
Amen.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Please forgive me...
(Below are Nicole's thoughts on Chapter 19 of Just Enough Light for the Step I'm On. Please know that what we all learn from a study is usually different. Therefore we ask, if you feel like it please share in the comments section what you got out of the reading as well. We're sure you'll lift someone's spirit.)
Brief re-cap of Chapter 19, Stepping out of the Past....
In Chapter 19, Stormie Omartian explains to us the importance of forgiveness. How forgiveness is not only important for us to be able to move forward but to also let go of our past. It also helps us grow closer to God when we're not harboring any unforgiveness to anyone. On page 157, Stormie says "Not forgiving the people and events of our past will keep us from ever being completely free of it." After reading this sentence, I couldn't really think of anything in my past that I need to be free of. I had a wonderful childhood, great adolescent years and my young adult years were pretty good. I then read on page 158 "We often refuse to let go of injustice and extend forgiveness to others simply because we can't receive the grace God extends to us through His forgiveness." I then focused on the word "injustice" and did what any other gotta-have-it-in-my-hands-now person would do...I googled "injustice". I already knew what the word meant but it wasn't hitting home for me until I read some synonyms of the word "injustice" and I read....
unfair, wrong, injury, grievance, violation, dirty deal, damage, maltreatment, malpractice
I immediately thought of autism. At first I was thinking...that's it, I need to forgive my pediatricians. No, I really wasn't blaming them. Then I was like this is it...I know it, I need to forgive God. Still didn't hit home. Then it all flashed in front of my eyes, the days my babies were in the hospital and I signed an agreement form for shots, the countless times I've given my son antibiotics for his numerous ear infections, the months and months of watered down Karo syrup to help him with his constipation, the long doctors appointments where I would hold him down so that the nurses could give him 6 or 7 immunizations in one day, the many times I signed my name saying it was ok for them to do this to my son, the research I should have done but never did, two MRI's to see what was going on with head circumference, and worse yet the year I was in complete denial that my son, my loving affectionate son, has autism. Even to this day I beat myself up. Where would my son be if I would have started this therapy sooner? Oh, I haven't tried that therapy. I should have spent more time playing with him today but I'm so tired. I know a lot of you do this as well. We can't help but feel like we could have done more. I don't think God blames us for feeling like this. After all, we're Moms. I know my Mom constantly felt this during our times of trouble. However, what Stormie taught me in Chapter 19 is to let go of this unforgiveness/guilt I have towards myself. I love what Stormie writes on page 160...
"If you are in a place where you're not able to see a future for yourself, it may be because you believe the past has kept you from moving into the future God has for you. If you find yourself saying, "If only I had not done that"; "If only this had happened instead"; "If I had experienced that I would not be in the situation I am in today"; or "I have forever forfeited the kind of life that could have been mine," remember that these thoughts are not truth. The truth is that God redeems everything. Even our past. He meets us as we are swimming to keep our heads above the deep waters of past hurt and failure, and He brings us to the place we're supposed to be. He doesn't do it like a magic genie. He does it one step at a time as we depend on Him."
-Stormie Omartian
In other words, I need to forgive myself for my son having autism. Deep down inside, I know it's not my fault. However, I still feel guitly. I still feel like it's my fault. I need to forgive myself for allowing the doctors to give him all of the immunizations. I need to forgive myself for not knowing exactly when I noticed something different between my son who has autism and my other son who just so happen to be his twin brother who does not have autism. I need to know that God has me exactly where He needs me and He is here for me.
Another part of Chapter 19 that I briefly want to touch on because I feel this is so important when dealing with autism is on page 161. Stormie says "Along with not looking back, it's not good to look too far ahead, either. Doing so may cause you to worry about where you think you should be, and that can be overwhelming too. Looking back, you see all that you didn't do. Looking too far forward, you see all you think you can't do. It's best to embrace the step you're on and say, "God, give me the ability to do what I have to do today." How often do we worry about our children's future? How many times do I look at where my son should be? Instead, God wants us to focus on where we are now. Enjoy every little step our children are taking. Relish every new word, sound or playskill our kids are doing. Be there for our children so that we can help them through this. Let's find out what God needs for us to do through our children having autism.
On page 162, Stormie reminds us..."Don't sit in the darkness of the past when God has laid out a path for you to walk in the present that is illuminated with the light of His forgiveness and revelation."
Lord,
Thank you for showing me where I have unforgiveness in my heart. I thank you for showing me what I already knew, that it's not my fault that my son has autism. Thank you for allowing me to forgive myself and for taking away the guilt that I was feeling. Thank you for walking every day with me. I pray that I will see what You need for me to do for You each and every day.
In Your Name I pray,
Amen
Bible Verses
"Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need." (Hebrews 4:16)
"Come to me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light." (Matthew 11:28)
"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away, behold, all things have become new." (2 Corinthians 5:17)
Brief re-cap of Chapter 19, Stepping out of the Past....
In Chapter 19, Stormie Omartian explains to us the importance of forgiveness. How forgiveness is not only important for us to be able to move forward but to also let go of our past. It also helps us grow closer to God when we're not harboring any unforgiveness to anyone. On page 157, Stormie says "Not forgiving the people and events of our past will keep us from ever being completely free of it." After reading this sentence, I couldn't really think of anything in my past that I need to be free of. I had a wonderful childhood, great adolescent years and my young adult years were pretty good. I then read on page 158 "We often refuse to let go of injustice and extend forgiveness to others simply because we can't receive the grace God extends to us through His forgiveness." I then focused on the word "injustice" and did what any other gotta-have-it-in-my-hands-now person would do...I googled "injustice". I already knew what the word meant but it wasn't hitting home for me until I read some synonyms of the word "injustice" and I read....
unfair, wrong, injury, grievance, violation, dirty deal, damage, maltreatment, malpractice
I immediately thought of autism. At first I was thinking...that's it, I need to forgive my pediatricians. No, I really wasn't blaming them. Then I was like this is it...I know it, I need to forgive God. Still didn't hit home. Then it all flashed in front of my eyes, the days my babies were in the hospital and I signed an agreement form for shots, the countless times I've given my son antibiotics for his numerous ear infections, the months and months of watered down Karo syrup to help him with his constipation, the long doctors appointments where I would hold him down so that the nurses could give him 6 or 7 immunizations in one day, the many times I signed my name saying it was ok for them to do this to my son, the research I should have done but never did, two MRI's to see what was going on with head circumference, and worse yet the year I was in complete denial that my son, my loving affectionate son, has autism. Even to this day I beat myself up. Where would my son be if I would have started this therapy sooner? Oh, I haven't tried that therapy. I should have spent more time playing with him today but I'm so tired. I know a lot of you do this as well. We can't help but feel like we could have done more. I don't think God blames us for feeling like this. After all, we're Moms. I know my Mom constantly felt this during our times of trouble. However, what Stormie taught me in Chapter 19 is to let go of this unforgiveness/guilt I have towards myself. I love what Stormie writes on page 160...
"If you are in a place where you're not able to see a future for yourself, it may be because you believe the past has kept you from moving into the future God has for you. If you find yourself saying, "If only I had not done that"; "If only this had happened instead"; "If I had experienced that I would not be in the situation I am in today"; or "I have forever forfeited the kind of life that could have been mine," remember that these thoughts are not truth. The truth is that God redeems everything. Even our past. He meets us as we are swimming to keep our heads above the deep waters of past hurt and failure, and He brings us to the place we're supposed to be. He doesn't do it like a magic genie. He does it one step at a time as we depend on Him."
-Stormie Omartian
In other words, I need to forgive myself for my son having autism. Deep down inside, I know it's not my fault. However, I still feel guitly. I still feel like it's my fault. I need to forgive myself for allowing the doctors to give him all of the immunizations. I need to forgive myself for not knowing exactly when I noticed something different between my son who has autism and my other son who just so happen to be his twin brother who does not have autism. I need to know that God has me exactly where He needs me and He is here for me.
Another part of Chapter 19 that I briefly want to touch on because I feel this is so important when dealing with autism is on page 161. Stormie says "Along with not looking back, it's not good to look too far ahead, either. Doing so may cause you to worry about where you think you should be, and that can be overwhelming too. Looking back, you see all that you didn't do. Looking too far forward, you see all you think you can't do. It's best to embrace the step you're on and say, "God, give me the ability to do what I have to do today." How often do we worry about our children's future? How many times do I look at where my son should be? Instead, God wants us to focus on where we are now. Enjoy every little step our children are taking. Relish every new word, sound or playskill our kids are doing. Be there for our children so that we can help them through this. Let's find out what God needs for us to do through our children having autism.
On page 162, Stormie reminds us..."Don't sit in the darkness of the past when God has laid out a path for you to walk in the present that is illuminated with the light of His forgiveness and revelation."
Lord,
Thank you for showing me where I have unforgiveness in my heart. I thank you for showing me what I already knew, that it's not my fault that my son has autism. Thank you for allowing me to forgive myself and for taking away the guilt that I was feeling. Thank you for walking every day with me. I pray that I will see what You need for me to do for You each and every day.
In Your Name I pray,
Amen
Bible Verses
"Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need." (Hebrews 4:16)
"Come to me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light." (Matthew 11:28)
"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away, behold, all things have become new." (2 Corinthians 5:17)
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